While this week seems to be draaaaaging along in stubborn fashion, I'm starting to feel less overwhelmed and anxious. I'm coming to realize that the peace and panic come in waves, so just ride it out while it's here.
I finally made it to the pool yesterday and, for once, didn't feel guilty about it. Michael did fine with Olivia at home and it wasn't all that hard to get in the pool on time and spend a little time. There was a HUGE masters class while I was there and I was terribly, terribly jealous. Took me back to when I actually could swim with a little speed and would have so much fun with different sets in each workout. Perhaps one of the things I'll ask for around the holidays is a swim set book -- one of those waterproof ones with fun workouts you don't have to come up with on your own.
I also started reading (finally) the book I downloaded on to the Kindle recently to help me calm my nerves and find a little "center" in all of this chaos. Called A Wise Heart, it's basically a discussion of Buddhist philosophy as it applies to modern psychology. I read most of it back when we were enduring our first infertility/IVF fight and ate it up like candy. It's wonderfully written and forces me to slow down and focus on the techniques of the approach, all the while thinking "how can I use this?" I suspect I'll load my Kindle up with books like this and maybe some fiction fluff for those long hours at the hospital.
In the mean time, I'm trying pace myself and focus on my work -- there's certainly enough there to keep me busy! If I find myself zooming again, I'm going to try my best to break the cycle by getting up and out of my desk, walk around, talk to someone, and then try again. And if I can...get to the pool again tomorrow. And maybe Saturday, too!
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