Tuesday, October 23, 2012

19 days oh for goodness sakes the complaining!

Apparently, I want to whine through the last three weeks of this pregnancy. 

It's true.  Just ask my husband.  I have good reason to whine -- it sucks.  But I'm stuck in this mental rut.  It's been hard to NOT focus on how crappy I feel.  Here's the basic diatribe...

My back hurts.
My belly is HUGE.
I can't stand without pain.
I can't walk without pain.
I can't stop peeing.
It hurts to pee.
I can't sleep.
I can't roll over without pain.
My back REALLY REALLY hurts.
Constant heartburn or nausea.  Or both.
I'm tired of injecting my insulin.
I'm tired of remembering to take my sugars 2 hours after eating anything.
I'm tired.  All the time.
My hands and feet are swollen.
My FACE is swollen.
I have no energy to take care of myself, like nails and brows.
I feel fat and wildly unattractive.
My cervix hurts often.
When he moves, it hurts now.  Still cute, but hurts.

There you have it.  A partial list of the things going through my mind.  The list that makes me obsess all day long about the chances that this could possibly end sooner than 19 days. 

Horrible, right?

Sigh.  I'm just done.  Cooked.  That's all.  I have to consider stopping work a week early, but even that has it's own problems like "what the heck would I do at home every day to keep my mind occupied?"  But right now, the physical stuff is getting harder faster than I predicted and working all the way up to delivery may not be an option.  And why am I so resistant to just CHOOSING not to working that long?  Why is it so hard for me to just do what most moms do anyway.  WHY DO I INSIST ON PLAYING THE HERO all the time? 

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