The inside of my head is such a fun place right now. You totally want to visit.

So, in the spirit of brevity, let's just pretend that here is where I complained about the swollen fingers, feet, knees and butt.  And mentioned the aching back, bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, and constant nausea and heat flashes.  Briefly, I touched on my inability to get up from a chair without wincing and looking like a ancient worship mound.

...

Now that that's out of my system, the real pressing issue in my head (WHICH IS SUCH A FUN PLACE RIGHT NOW) is whether we're going into labor any time soon.  Or having our water break. 

I've combed The Internets and found that indeed I'm at risk (yippee!) for early labor or PROM...premature rupture of membranes...for this particular pregnancy.  Most reliable source says 40% of polyhyramnios cases (where the poly is caused by a congenital abnormality) break their water early.

YES.

That is what I would like, thankyouverymuch.  Frankly, going into labor would be fine, too.  Anything at this point would be welcomed, so long as it's safe for the baby, etc.  I contract all day long now.  They're clear, painful, take-your-breath-away contractions that do....nothing.  My poor little (massive) uterus has no idea what to do.  It thinks I'm carrying a small whale and wants it out, but has no hormone backup singers to make that happen. 

Yesterday I nested.  As in full-force, no holds barred, Nested.  Laundry, cleaning, organizing, grocery shopping, more cleaning.  It was a sudden burst of energy and a compulsion to "get ready."  I even felt compelled to shave my legs.  HOW'S THAT FOR A SIGN OF IMPENDING LABOR.  HUH?  I picked out a cute work outfit that would look just great to go to the hospital in because I'm simply that desperate to have this child that I would fool myself into thinking it has anything to do with my own personal style on any given day.

...

This post is going to be hysterical in a few months when I look back and do the math and realize that the baby didn't come for another 17 days and how silly I was for thinking he would come any sooner. 

Right now, I don't find the joke all that funny. 

So I continue to note my unproductive contraction times, take my frustratingly normal blood pressure readings, stick myself with totally helpful insulin needles, and limp along my day.  (shakes fist at sky)

(rant over)